by Bruce Lansky (storknet.com)
8. Sunday Rose Kidman Urban
(daughter of Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban)
In Africa and the Caribbean, it’s common to name children after the day of the week they were born on—so you might think that Sunday was born on Sunday. She wasn’t.You might think that Sunday Rose is the name of a beautiful rose variety. It’s not. Apparently the name was chosen to honor a patron of the arts in Australia, but most people who hear or read the name will find it an odd choice for an American girl born on a Monday.
7. Honor Marie Warren
(daughter of Jessica Alba and Cash Warren)
Although Faith and Hope are popular girls’ names, some values (like Honesty, Humility, and Honor) are too stiff and awkward to work well as names. I wonder how Jessica and Cash will comfort their crying baby. Will they call her Ony or Hony? Unfortunately, there aren’t any charming familiar forms of Honor. That’s why I’ll bet Jessica and Cash will start calling their daughter Marie before too long. And that’s why it’s so important to pick a “high-odds” middle name when parents pick a risky first name.
6. Emme Anthony
(daughter of Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony)
No matter how people pronounce or mispronounce this name (EM-meh? EM-ma? EM-mee?), it’ll be misspelled ninety-nine times out of a hundred. That’s what happens when you pick an obscure variation of one of the five most popular girls’ names in the U.S. Emma would have been a much smarter choice.
5. Knox Leon Jolie-Pitt
(son of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt)
When Knox introduces himself, “Hi, I’m Knox” it will be hard to tell that Knox is a name unless he adds, “You know, like Fort Knox”—which is what he’s likely to be called in school (unless they call him Hard Knox or Knock-Knock Who’s There?).
4. Ignatius Martin Upton
(son of Cate Blanchett and Andrew Upton)
The list of problems with Ignatius is long: The name creates the impression of a brainy geek with a feeble social life and a pale, frail appearance. The probability is high that this name will be misspelled and mispronounced. And the kid will be called Iggy or (because kids love rhymes) Piggy.
3. Bronx Mowgli Wentz
(son of Ashlee Simpson-Wentz and Pete Wentz)
Most place-names feature charming or picturesque spots like Paris, Siena, Montana, or the Nile. Now that Brooklyn has been gentrified, it’s become a popular girl’s name (ranked #57 in 2007). However, if you’ve ever taken a taxi from LaGuardia Airport through The Bronx on your way to Manhattan, you know that The Bronx is no Paris (or even Brooklyn) when it comes to charm. If you’re wondering about the middle name, Mowgli is the protagonist in The Jungle Book. It makes a very strange combination with Bronx. My suggestion: drop Bronx Mowgli and just go with the initials, BMW. That’d work. (But I hope nobody calls him BM.)
2. Jagger Joseph Blue Goldberg
(daughter of Soleil Moon Frye and Jason Goldberg)
I had no idea that Jagger Joseph Blue was a girl until I’d read the news release twice. What kind of role model does Mick Jagger provide for a baby girl? Soleil and Jason picked three names and couldn’t find one that’s likely to make their little girl happy. I find it surprising that a woman with two strange names (Soleil means “sun” in French, so translated into English her name reads “Sun Moon Frye”) would pick three strange names for her daughter.
1. Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale
(son of Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale)
Few people who read or hear this name will know that Zuma is a beach in Malibu and that Nesta is Bob Marley’s middle name. And fewer will care. I suppose Rock isn’t a bad name for a professional wrestler—but don’t forget that The Rock got tired of that pretentious name and went back to his given name, Dwayne. Unfortunately, with three odd names, Zuma doesn’t have a safe option to fall back on.
